On saying yes

SAMSUNG

There are days where tears bleed as rain and my soul feels swallowed whole by weakness and pain.

I waft into insubstantial shadow, blurred outline, smudged nothingness.

Missing the usual places of validation where my insecure soul gets fed.

Finding that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) has come sooner to my world as autumnal weather drifts early into our shores, rendering me a mess of emotions.

Needing to stay still, lay down body, hopes and desires. Surrender and sink into unconditional Love’s embrace.

And as I’ve been alternately surrendering and resisting deep soul rest, I sense God asking me to say yes to so many things.

It’s not easy at all, more like a dying on the inside, a howl of outrage and fear of missing out, anxiety over losing acceptance.

Because who am I if I don’t have a face, a voice, connection and a presence on social media?

Who am I? A woman who feels likes she’s drowning in her own seeming insignificance, apparently.

Nevertheless, I am slowly surrendering my need of people approval and leaning into His alone.

And finally beginning to stop begrudging this season of ceasing, of pulling back, of being an edge dweller.

Because deep inside? This hurting child knows that her Father’s wishes are ones to heed, and she whispers her reply.

Yes to being on the margins of life when I’m too weary to participate.

Yes to having deep dependence on Him day by day.

Yes to finding worth and value, significance and strength in Him alone.

Yes to His timing and His plans, and yes to seeking after His heart rather than any other.

Saying yes

I don’t want to say yes

to being insignificant,

small; I don’t want to let

go of desiring to have it all

In saying yes to less

I’m inviting obscurity

to define me more than

any worldly success

Then I remember how you

laid down your heavenly

crown, came manger-wrapped

as a tiny one who never stopped

being God’s only begotten Son

You chose to stay humble

walk a challenging road

bearing our burdens and

sin’s heavy load, while your path

led you to suffering on a cross

with a willing yes as you bore

humanity’s pain and dross

Now with arms open to

all mankind, you welcome

us into a significant life

marked by surrender and

being small, saying yes

to life’s best yes of all

©JoyLenton2015

saying yes PJ pin

Friend, if life or your own thoughts are giving you a hard time too, may I suggest you dive deeper into God’s love for you? Resting in His love is the only place where we can feel safe, protected and truly accepted.

I wasn’t going to write today. Because words haven’t been flowing freely lately and I’ve been way too tired to think straight. Maybe you’re there too? Perhaps you can remember, along with me, that it’s not a permanent place, just a pausing point and breathing space.

But God had other ideas as He planted a few lines of this poem into my mind while I was dreamily drifting. And He gave me the ability and grace to write the rest out of my imperfection and weakness, and also say a heartfelt yes to participating with the lovely five-minute-friday community as they explore the power of ‘Yes’ today. Come join us?

When you feel small

when you feel small PJ

There are days where we feel so insignificant, invisible even.

It seems as if we blend into the air around, lost in the ether.

Our voices feel weak as tiny bird. Our words fall flat on ears deaf to their sound.

Our place in the here and now looks insubstantial, shaky and small.

It feels like we’re hardly here at all.

Do you have days like that? I do. 

They are red flags to what’s going on inside of us. Warning signs to heed.

They are white flags of surrender. Cries for help beyond ourselves.

Because God becomes our only safe shelter in a world where we feel less than all He made us to be.

He knows the vagaries of the human heart. He listens to every beat it makes. Hears the inner laments and anguish of a soul in torment.

And His Father-heart cries over the cruelty of a world that scorns His Son and tears His children apart.

Because He knows how wearied we can become and how we are made for far more than this world offers.

I’m thankful for those who see, who hear, who listen, who respond and make me feel I have a voice, a tiny place of worth in the scheme of things.

But I’m grateful most of all for the unending, unconditional love of God who helps me to become all that I can be by His grace.

There are no losers, no left out people, no invisible or discarded ones in God’s Kingdom. We are people of great worth and value in His eyes.

We are the grace dwellers, the truth tellers, the anointed, redeemed, blood-bought children He loves beyond measure.

Yes, here.. and now, living in this upside-down kingdom, topsy-turvy world we’re in, we are very significant to Him.

Here

We live in a world addicted to gain

to ascending the summit of success

to amassing, collecting largesse

And yet you call me to dwell here

abide in quiet shadows of surrender

where I sense the humiliation

of my life so small against

the largeness of your love

Here I am nothing, yet remain

everything to you; my emptiness

the reason for your pouring,

filling, overflowing measure

of grace into every dark

and empty space inside my heart

Because your love leads me into

encounter, renewal, fresh start

©JoyLenton2015

When you feel small in the eyes of the world, remember Whose you are, my friend. Such thoughts stirred the  5 minute poem above.

I’m blessed to be joining in with the wonderful writing community that comprises Five Minute Friday. Today’s prompt is:‘Here’. Kate Motaung is our gracious hostess.

You’re very welcome to come and join us at her place as we celebrate the first anniversary of her time hosting this link up.

Also adding to the soul refreshment being served over at Bonnie Gray’s place for Beloved Brews. Do come over and take a fuel stop there.. 🙂

encounter PJ pin