How do you describe a life of continual illness, pain and profound fatigue? It’s hard, isn’t it? We need empathy, compassion, and maybe someone who lives with the illness to show us. I’d like to be that person for you today.
Imagine wanting to be a vibrant, blooming flower for God, but you droop, fade easily, curl up with fatigue. You seek shade, because all bright light hurts your eyes. Sleep is fitful but it’s all you really want to do. So called ‘normal’ life is far too dazzling, hectic and loud for you to join in with for very long.
“Yes, I have M.E but it doesn’t have me; God does, and I am safe in His arms.” So runs the last line from a poem I penned to try to describe my life with M.E. Spanning over 25 years of sickness and weakness, M.E might have stolen my health and vitality but it doesn’t get to have the final say on who I am or, more importantly, Whose I am.
I’m housebound with M.E, fibromyalgia, arthritis and hypermobility syndrome. (You can see the myriad symptoms of M.E in this list.) I rely heavily on God’s sustaining grace each day. I also have a Lottery winner tendency to spend, spend, spend whenever a little more energy or mental focus is present, instead of the usual resting and pacing after any activity!
As a writer and a poet I’m able to express some of the frustrations of living with such an illness. I’m hoping, as you read the poem below, that you might stop to contemplate just what M.E can feel like on this, M.E Awareness Day, part of raised awareness during the month of May.
Earthbound
A mind
blurred as fog
cloud of unknowing
sinking bog
slowed and stagnant
just tiny ripples rising
from the smog
vague on the horizon
A body
wearied beyond measure
bandage-bound
by pain, fatigue
long and profound
unrelenting weakness
rooting to the ground
muscle-chained down
A heart
longing to be free
like eagles soaring
near the sun
to touch the heat
of healing rays
piercing us undone
from darkest days
A spirit
lifted up by love’s call
taken up to places
out of reach of all
that holds us prisoner
to the earth
united to the One
who gives us life and birth
©joylenton
The poem above comes from my book, ‘Seeking Solace: Discovering Grace in Life’s Hard Places’, available on Amazon. Earthbound was actually its working title for a while. All proceeds from every copy sold go to Action for ME, a charity which raises awareness and supports carers and sufferers, while raising funds for research purposes.
Last year I wrote about life from the other side of living with M.E and chronic illness, singing my beloved husband’s praises as my carer. It was written before he became even more unwell himself. You can read that post here.
Thank you for being here, my friend, and for reading my words. Your sweet presence helps and encourages this weary woman more than you know! 🙂 ❤
