Nobody can fully appreciate or understand the dynamics, anatomy and intricacies of a marriage, apart from the couple intimately involved in it.
And even then, much remains a holy mystery.
We are husband and wife, friends and lovers joined together in union and communion with God and one another.
Two become one in mind, body, soul and spirit in a divine alchemy of grace.
My marriage is heavily grace-dependent.
My background, experiences and personal problems have gradually made me someone other than the relatively carefree young woman I used to be.
As I’ve tried to work through a legacy of dysfunctional family life, childhood abuse, guilt and shame, (and the mental health breakdown they gave me) the one linked inextricably with me has also lived through it all.
Now, after more than 20 years of having M.E and chronic illness, my ability to be the wife he needs and wants is hampered further still.
Though we have struggled a great deal (and continue to do so), some things shine out bright and clear as I look back over the years:
Love will always find a way where there seems to be no way.
Faith can endure all things if it’s faith rooted in God and His sustaining power.
Hope may wither but it rarely dies.
Joy comes in unexpected places and circumstances.
Grace is a prerequisite for a godly life and marriage.
God gives us all we’ll ever need ~ even if we rarely have all we want.
In musing on these things over the last few days it is no great surprise that my mind turned to this territory to write about today.
And as I do so, I rejoice over the masterpiece God is creating out of the messy mosaic of my life and marriage.
‘Mosaic of a marriage’
Nothing in our courtship could have prepared
our youthful, hopeful, joy-filled hearts
for the prolonged grief and pain we’ve shared
or the need for so many fresh starts
Nothing in my mind could have foreseen
how very hard and challenging
living with me would have been
more your worst nightmare than dream
For we have been tried and tested
as gold goes through the fire
refined, processed and sifted
retaining heat, passion and desire
Nothing I can say will make up
for numerous ways I’ve let you down
You’ve had a bitter pill to swallow
gaining a face wreathed with frowns
But we, who are nothing without
the sustaining power of God
have finally made Something
of this life and path we’ve trod
Given grace from the One
who pours out His love every day
Given faith to persevere
when nothing’s gone our way
So I love you imperfectly
just as I am
and you’ve accepted my offering
a meagre nothing to the feelings
found within my man
Thank God for new beginnings
Praise Him for being true
Give Him the glory for making
faithful, if faltering, lovers
out of me and you
You can read more about how the issues above have affected my marriage in this post from Words of Joy.
I share openly in the hope of encouraging others to know they can live with and rise above their circumstances by the grace of God.