Poetry

rigidity: when God needs to soften our cold hearts

/ Joy Lenton / 9 Comments

 

Winter creeps closer and my fingers and toes act like a weather barometer. They blanch to match the snow, with white tips and stiff rigidity, a bit like icicles needing thawing. ⛄❄

They can become frozen by nothing much at all— like the merest drift of cool air, even during summer months—and remain that way until the stinging throb of feeling returns again, with a bluey-red flush of blood.

It’s a bad circulation problem I’ve had since childhood, when chilblains were a literal pain and paved the way for seasons of chilled numbness thereafter. It is known as Reynaud’s disease or syndrome/phenomenon. I’ve got minor, permanent nerve damage in some fingertips due to the changeable blood flow over many years.

Contributory factors include having a mother who smoked throughout the pregnancy and being born prematurely. The good news is my heart stays hot because the core of who we are always gets the best blood supply! 💓😏

Being cold-hearted is not a helpful way to live. 💙 Having coldness or rigidity in our hearts and minds is an unattractive attribute and an indicator that we need supernatural help from God to thaw and warm us up again.

Rigidity

Flake by flake falls, blanketing a world in white, signalling
virginal innocence, and as yet untouched softness blessed
with holy awe, as we watch it fall and marvel at the miracle

Before long, newly cold wintry ground gives up its hold, turning
snow and ice to slush, rendering a hushed wonder into mud
and ridges of rigidity, much like our hearts when left alone

And there’s danger afoot when icy patches remain rock hard
causing many to curse, slip and stumble their way on slippery
soled, treacherous ground where no firm footing can be found

Months can slide by and the ground remains hard, unyielding
and resistant to touch, until a thaw of sorts takes place, sun creeps
higher in the sky of our thoughts and we creep closer to arms of love
©joylenton

 

Heavenly Father,

May you brace us to face each season with equanimity, despite chill winds of adversity blowing. Help us to not stay frozen in our emotions, or chilled within by pain, but have hearts receptive to and softened by your love.

Enable us to avoid cold rigidity in our thinking. May we be grateful for what we already have and open to receiving and welcoming the new and the next you are leading us into.

Most of all, Lord, thaw our attitudes and thoughts where they have become hardened, wearied by waiting. Remind us that during Advent, especially, there is a Holy purpose behind our pain and that new Life and Hope can be birthed in us again.

We give you our grateful thanks and praise as you lead us warmly back into experiencing your love, your wonder, joy and peace anew during the demands of this season.

Thank you. Amen

how an ending always signals a new beginning

/ Joy Lenton / 19 Comments

A year draws to a close. An ending is in sight. These are days of increasing darkness in every way. No wonder Advent makes us long for the coming of the Light of Life Himself to signal a new beginning for all of us.

Creation itself mirrors our hope. We see death all around us as trees give up their leaves and plants die to make room for the green shoots of spring. Because renewal is built into their very DNA, just like it is in us as we surrender our darkness to God and watch how He brings His light and life to bear on what seems dead.

Although our bodies may wither and lose vigour as we age, and our health fail to the point of decay and eventual death, we always have an eternal, resurrection Hope of newness of Life with God.

We, and our loved ones will live again, my friend. We have a Hope that is steadfast and certain. We are destined for more than dust and ashes. We are destined to receive beauty for ashes.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the suffering and afflicted. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted, to announce liberty to captives, and to open the eyes of the blind. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of God’s favor to them has come, and the day of his wrath to their enemies.To all who mourn in Israel he will give: beauty for ashes; joy instead of mourning; praise instead of heaviness. For God has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory.” ~ Isaiah 61:1-3 TLB

We are God’s Beloved children. He is with us from start to finish here on earth and eternally in heaven, overseeing our lives with loving care and attention, bringing new life from sorrow and death.

Death and life

I’m a tinder-dry autumn leaf

fallen to the ground

where oblivious feet crush me

dead with a satisfying

crisp-crunch sound

My life was brief but beautiful

in its dying glory flame

and I can still remember how

I would bend and sway

as the wind sang over me

with its sighed lullaby and

stole my breath away

on blustery nights and days

Now, while I lie as dusty ash

victim to every breeze

I yearn to return to my home

branching on the tree

Then an image comes to me

of sap rising high in spring

producing buds fresh and green

filled with new life and hope, new birth

I know I will grow and bloom again

to reveal God’s splendour

here on the earth

©joylenton

moment: discovering wonder in the here and now

/ Joy Lenton / 12 Comments

 

Life is a series of moments. Things waiting to be discovered and experienced. Heightened hours to enjoy to the full and times of dark trial, trouble and tribulation. We’re on a journey where we find ourselves along the way. And a veritable trail of wonder, hopefully.

Though I usually attempt to freeze-frame wonder moments in a camera lens, God often whispers for me to desist, slow down and simply savour what I see. It’s as if those wondrous clouds, that scenic sky, floral beauty and trellis of trees were made just for me.

And in a way, they are. Because Jesus would have willingly gone to the cross if there had been only one of us in need of a Saviour. God spills out creation’s beauty as though it’s tailor-made for you and me. 

I’m a woman on a mission, without leaving home. A soul on a quest to pursue beauty and seek wonder in the commonplace, as I look to discover God  in the minutiae of my days.

He is here. The Holy One, King of heaven and earth , inhabits the ordinary. He’s longing to be found by questing minds and hearts. Is it easy? Not always. It takes determination and dedication to keep pressing in to sense the sacred in the secular. Is it worth it? Oh, yes!

In this moment

Lord of all life,

you are in this moment and that moment

In the weary, bleary half-awake

pyjama-clad, messy, undressed state

In all the dreary length of days and

heights of excitement along the way

In shrouded, clouded, muddled mind

and clarity bursts of the sudden kind

In biting tongue after harsh words

releasing good thoughts to be heard

In discouragement, hiding of face

then eyes lit up by glimmers of grace

In loneliness, absence of sound, and

having our friends and family round

In all our living, loving and giving

we rely on you for all receiving

Be in this moment and this hour

equip us with your wisdom and power

©joylenton


Sometimes our eyes need things enhanced or altered a little, as in the arty style photo of yellow roses below. They are enchanting in their own right, of course, though we can become jaded by the familiar and satiated with sameness. A little tweak from us (or a wake up call from God) is enough to awaken our hearts anew to the beauty of this moment, being present to His presence.

normal: living beyond our limitations

/ Joy Lenton / 9 Comments

 

What does it mean to be ‘normal’? Is there such a thing? I guess it depends on your personal definition, doesn’t it? Because the world will always try to compartmentalise, squash us into boxes and confine us in its own straitjackets, if we let it.

The good news is God created each and every one of us unique. And we answer to Him alone, defined only by what His word says about us and who we are in Christ. That thought comforts me as I aim to live well with M.E and chronic illness.

You and I don’t have to fit within the world’s narrow (and frequently judgemental) parameters. We are special to God, understood completely by Him, if no-one else. God wants us to grow into the best version of ourselves we can be by His grace, to know we are His cherished Beloved.

I miss some of the activities I used to do before illness made being housebound a normality for me, especially spending summer days at the beach. Here in Norfolk we are blessed to have a few within driving distance.

However, they are often hard to access by foot (or wheelchair) once you’ve parked, with their steep inclines, long, winding pathways and uneven, pebbly stones to traverse, never mind distance from car to beach.

It’s been an outing I’ve had to forego for years because the car journey alone would exhaust me. Though I still travel there fondly in my memories, as in the poem below…

Normal for Norfolk

The sea tosses back and forth with wild, hyperactive
froth churning up thick rivers of mud, reflecting the sanded
character of a Norfolk beach, whose waters are latte-brown
with a side shot of espresso hiccupped out now and then

There’s a roar that steals away our words, deafening
as it drowns out all sound apart from its own
and we wonder anew at the way waves crash so
violently, yet dissipate into delicate filigrees

A surging wind stings our cheeks with saline drops
which wake us up, catch away our breath, bring tears
to stinging eyes and a gasp of surprise at its velocity
making unsteady, giddy skittles out of you and me
©joylenton

 

How do you view your life in terms of being ‘normal’ or otherwise?

What helps you to retain a positive outlook?

I’d love to hear in the comments below. 😊

PS: I’ve been writing about  the calming effects of the sea over on my Facebook page. You can find it here and read the #dailyhaiku #novembernugget posts being shared. May the soul snippets of poetry bless you, friend. ❤

vanish: letting go of our cares and concerns

/ Joy Lenton / 11 Comments

November comes in shyly, concealing its icy depths in a cloak of mist. Many days are washed in vapour, made mysterious by the hiddenness of things, the way the familiar can vanish in an instant.

Reducing, darkening daylight hours make us yearn for the light, seek colour and warmth and savour each tiny bit of golden, autumnal glory while we can.

Maybe we could view this concealment as invitation to turn away for a while from the allure of the world around us. To let go of our cares and concerns, and begin to mimic these chillier days by being still and rested in our souls.

Vapour in the mist

Sky shades to silver as a veil of grey
falls like a leaden blanket, allowing
mere slivers of azure blue hues to
filter through

This pale, dove-grey covering conceals sun’s
heat with filmy rays, and invites us to
come aside from busyness and rest
here instead

So we pause a while, breathe a little freer
as we let loose constraints of the day
and watch worries vanish as vapour
in the mist
©joylenton

Father,

When skies shade to grey and our emotions are tempted to follow suit, help us instead to focus on your bright, shining Light that is always with us. May we see mellow, misty moments in these darkening days as an invitation to come aside, breathe, pause and pray, trusting that all our cares and concerns are safe in your hands.

May we reflect on the colour and vibrancy that surrounds us. Give us eyes open to receive and  hearts able to appreciate the onset of winter, sensing awe and wonder in the stark beauty it brings to everything.

Fill our souls with gratitude for the gifts to be found in each season of life and faith.  And remind us how one season will slowly segue into another, eventually vanish from our memories, until it returns in its own form of splendour, with joys we hadn’t anticipated.

Amen

yield to the light while darkness encroaches

/ Joy Lenton / 16 Comments

 

Darkness seems to encroach and cover everything in its path. The whole world feels pretty bleak , unsafe, unstable and dark these days, with news reports of violent storms, bombs and hurricanes, earthquakes and the political ploys of men. There must be a way of seeing and yielding to the light in the midst of this devastation.

When life itself seems to hang by a thread, we can easily forget that we have an enemy set on wreaking havoc on our cities, shores and souls. There is so much more going on than meets the eye. Supernatural forces are at work everywhere.

God is more than a match for satan’s evil schemes (I won’t dignify him with a capitalisation here). Our Lord’s Light is impenetrable by the darkness around and the shadows found in mankind’s soul. God dwells in light unapproachable and unbearably bright for human eyes.

But He has revealed that light in and through His Son, Jesus Christ, the saving Light of the world. We can come close to Him, seek solace, find Hope, Joy and Peace within when a world’s feeble light gets dimmed.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” ~ John 1:1-5 (NIV)

And just like heavy, rain-laden clouds eventually have to give way to sweep of wind and glint of light breaking through, we, too, can sense a lifting of heaviness as we yield to the deep, inner sense of God’s continual presence with us. May we take comfort from that thought as we pray about the crises in the world, whether far away or closer to home.

Yield to the light

Sun breaks through dark clouds, pierces

the gloom with shards of light, playing

games, as it creates these subtle

shadows and shade

 

I watch the way it  enters suddenly

into a room, seeking to penetrate

with a revealing reminder

of its presence

 

Darkness must always yield to the light

and make way for its brightness, shining

now into every crack and crevice, like

a beaming torch

 

There’s such affirmation of life

in the spreading, golden fingers spooling

out like loosened thread, tugging hard

on cheerless hearts

©joylenton

As we close, let’s allow the inimitable Leonard Cohen to share his own words on how the light gets in, with a video taken when he was performing in London in 2008. May you listen to his gentle whisper-singing and reflect on just how much light seeps into our days, more than we ever realise.

when shame becomes changed by meeting grace

/ Joy Lenton / 21 Comments

 

It’s a comforting thought to know Jesus understands us completely and can see into the depths of our soul. Though we might feel shame at what He will find as His gaze scans those deep, dark layers we prefer to keep hidden from ourselves and others.

During my long weeks of obscurity, hidden away from the blogging community, resting physically, I’ve been very aware that only God really knew and understood the sheer weight of weakness, worry and weariness of mind, body and heart I was struggling with. And only He held the key to recovering deep soul peace and restoration in every way.

I was grateful to be able to work through my need for grace without an audience. I was thankful that God not only lured me gently away from busyness but also knew just when I would be well enough to slowly reenter the public arena again.

Shame becomes exponentially multiplied when our guilt is laid bare and dark deeds are made public. So I’ve always had a certain sympathy for the woman caught in the act of adultery, driven unceremoniously through the streets for all to see.

The Pharisees watch carefully, hoping to trap Jesus into acting unwisely. The crowd also hold their breath as they wait to see what the Messiah will do. He pauses, takes His time to react. And when He does it takes all by surprise, as Jesus reveals the forgiving, merciful heart of God, the way He graciously answers our shame and pain.

An unwavering light

His kind, limpid-liquid gaze brushed mine

like fine, pellucid pearls glowing

lantern-bright—a steady, unwavering

light—reading the depths of my soul

 

He didn’t recoil; rather, he looked

with love, compassion, deep understanding

as though he already knew everything good

bad or indifferent there was to know

 

And I barely lifted my head, kept my

sight glued to ground, where I had been

so carelessly thrown, used to feeling shamed

by those whose eyes scathingly sought mine

 

Yet this Man stooped down, wrote silently upon parched

dusty ground, spoke in surprisingly soft, gentle tones

which carried the authority of God Almighty

making cowards of others—drawing gratitude from me

©joylenton

The wonder of it all is that Jesus still works in human hearts like this. His forgiveness, mercy and grace are rich and free, paid for by His own spilt blood at Calvary. And it brings us up short, as we see our need to follow Christ’s example by being loving, compassionate and merciful toward others.

My friend, you and I are precious to Jesus, oh so valuable and definitely worth dying for in His eyes. Let’s reflect on the weight of glory in that thought, and on such tender compassion rendering us speechless, or issuing praise from us.

“Of course, no one believed in people more than Jesus did. He saw something in Peter worth developing, in the adulterous woman worth forgiving, and in John worth harnessing.” Max Lucado ‘God Is With You Everyday’

chewed: having ragged edges when you want to be whole

/ Joy Lenton / 20 Comments

 

I’m looking at our recently planted runner bean and strawberry plants, sighing over them being chewed, frayed around the edges, mirroring my own sorry soul state.

Although instead of pesky molluscs (and maybe an early caterpillar or two), my holey, chewed up state is a result of having bitten off more than I can easily chew, never mind swallow.

I’ve been running (in a tortoise-slow kind of way) on empty for far too long. My previous post here hinted at this depletion. And it’s got to the point where I’ve become more concerned at this slowing down and feeling of overwhelm, not keeping up well with anything. Maybe you can relate?

Usually I think of a tortoise to describe this slow burn way of crawling through my days. But as I sat and contemplated it, I thought of a snail instead and how they slither, glued to ground.

A snail’s progress may be slow, imperceptible to our eyes, but they can truly decimate a plant with their stealthy nibbles! As summer kicks in and we begin to plant hope for tomorrow, potential food to eat and flowers that please, we soon discover how much snail munch-stops have torn to shreds previously intact garden greenery.

Then we may marvel at their ability to cling on (carefully avoiding the snail pellets, of course), and manoeuvre their way around each plant in turn. A glistening trail, a slither of silver remains the most visible sign of their passing….

 

Mollusc Marvel

She carries the weight of a curled-up shell

upon her slippery frame, its fragile cusp

balancing on a body made for slithering

 

Movement may be slow but she traverses

stony ground with slimy thread of silver, trailing

her glory marker behind her like a gauzy

veil shimmering in the sunshine, laced

with hope on a journey fraught with danger

 

This fragile rope follows her from stem to stem

and back again, indulging in a spot of leaf munching

while her carapace crunches its welcoming shade

to protect the delicate vulnerability

residing deep within its darkening glade

©joylenton

 

How do we cope with our thready lives, ragged edges, chewed up days and lost energy? If you’re anything like me, you might try pressing on regardless for a while. Though, unlike snails, we’re not built to carry heavy weights on our own backs but to give them over to God instead.

The best thing to do is to take a break, take it to God, lean on Him and rest in every conceivable way. We cannot run on empty or we have nothing of any worth left over to offer others.

Therefore, I am having to pull back from blogging for a bit, seek wholeness, rest in God, and spend some quality time with those I love, because our glory markers can become ragged, spread thin, if we fail to spend sufficient time with Him.

I need to come aside, abide and be awed anew at all God can do with a weary woman’s frame when it’s given over to Him. Maybe a season of rest and refreshment also has your name on it?

I will be praying for you all while I am away. Meanwhile, feel free to dive into the archives here and over at Words of Joy. You can also catch a few poetic thoughts appearing on my Facebook page. God bless you, friend, until we gather here again. 🙂 xo

ME: what it’s like to live with ME and chronic illness

/ Joy Lenton / 21 Comments

 

How do you describe a life of continual illness, pain and profound fatigue? It’s hard, isn’t it?  We need empathy, compassion, and maybe someone who lives with the illness to show us. I’d like to be that person for you today.

Imagine wanting to be a vibrant, blooming flower for God, but you droop, fade easily, curl up with fatigue. You seek shade, because all bright light hurts your eyes. Sleep is fitful but it’s all you really want to do. So called ‘normal’ life is far too dazzling, hectic and loud for you to join in with for very long.

“Yes, I have M.E but it doesn’t have me; God does, and I am safe in His arms.” So runs the last line from a poem I penned to try to describe my life with M.E. Spanning over 25 years of sickness and weakness, M.E might have stolen my health and vitality but it doesn’t get to have the final say on who I am or, more importantly, Whose I am.

I’m housebound with M.E, fibromyalgia, arthritis and hypermobility syndrome. (You can see the myriad symptoms of M.E in this list.) I rely heavily on God’s sustaining grace each day. I also have a Lottery winner tendency to spend, spend, spend whenever a little more energy or mental focus is present, instead of the usual resting and pacing after any activity!

 

As a writer and a poet I’m able to express some of the frustrations of living with such an illness. I’m hoping, as you read the poem below, that you might stop to contemplate just what M.E can feel like on this, M.E Awareness Day, part of raised awareness during the month of May.

Earthbound

A mind

blurred as fog

cloud of unknowing

sinking bog

slowed and stagnant

just tiny ripples rising

from the smog

vague on the horizon

 

A body

wearied beyond measure

bandage-bound

by pain, fatigue

long and profound

unrelenting weakness

rooting to the ground

muscle-chained down

 

A heart 

longing to be free

like eagles soaring

near the sun

to touch the heat

of healing rays

piercing us undone

from darkest days

 

A spirit

lifted up by love’s call

taken up to places

out of reach of all

that holds us prisoner

to the earth

united to the One 

who gives us life and birth

©joylenton

The poem above comes from my book, ‘Seeking Solace: Discovering Grace in Life’s Hard Places’, available on Amazon. Earthbound was actually its working title for a while. All proceeds from every copy sold go to Action for ME, a charity which raises awareness and supports carers and sufferers, while raising funds for research purposes.

Last year I wrote about life from the other side of living with M.E and chronic illness, singing my beloved husband’s praises as my carer. It was written before he became even more unwell himself. You can read that post here.

Thank you for being here, my friend, and for reading my words. Your sweet presence helps and encourages this weary woman more than you know!  🙂 ❤

from dawn to dusk God shouts out his love for us

/ Joy Lenton / 14 Comments

 

I often witness sunsets but rarely wake early enough to see in the dawn. When I do, it’s always with breath-held awe. Few other sights grant us such a glorious reminder of God’s hand at work, as He whispers to the sun to “do it again!”, delighting in giving us the gift of one more day.

If we appreciate the created world, take time to observe with our senses alive, we become participators in one of the greatest shows on earth. From dawn to dusk, God is shouting out His love for us, urging His bleary-eyed children to wake up and smell the potential wrapped up in this divine offering from heaven above.

As someone who fails to wake (or sleep) well in the natural, I need all the supernatural assistance I can get, (plus coffee!) to enliven me from the inside out. Even if it takes until noon, it’s still a good practice to pause, breathe, sit quietly, rest and absorb life outside a window before getting too embroiled in tasks.

Just this afternoon, I saw a beautiful little bird in the garden, who swiftly evaded my rather slow attempts to pin her down with my camera, sad to say… maybe another day. Such unexpected sights set our hearts alight. And people-watching is often a favoured (natural?) activity for writers.  🙂

Maybe as we covertly watch those around us, we can praise God for creating this person and that, pray for them as they pass us by, try to read the inner ache and longing in their eyes, seek to remember how God lovingly crafted each one— including those we may not actually like very much!

Nature-watch

Behold, bright spring dawn shines frosty-quiet, moist

and cold—above which moon withers soft, at rest

Gentle insect walk murmurs deep, secret, season peace

sweet like forest air poetry, and every fresh flower

tendril will thrive between stony rock-moss vine

And we nature-watch, rooted in this sacred world

©joylenton2017

 

When we do stop and look outside, or take a walk if we are able, we find our souls coming alive to the beauty on our doorstep and beyond, relaxing in the midst of God’s creation, becoming freer on the inside as we open ourselves to a keen-eyed awareness affecting  heart and soul.

Life is always overshadowed by the thought of death, but that shouldn’t stop us from appreciating the here and now and letting tantalising images of eternity play in our minds instead…

Like petals whisper

Life sings sweetly, like petals whisper smooth over

skin, but some say crush of death is like cool rain,

shadow-mist symphony—it swims through our fingers

Together, we sit and watch sun’s beauty soaring hot and

shining above the blue, as love recalls a sad dream

©joylenton2017