#livingwithME

Hearts on pilgrimage

/ Joy Lenton / 6 Comments

hearts on pilgrimage file image

Reaching significant life markers can feel like a line being drawn in the sand.

Behind it may lie years of fruitful abundance, times of activity and usefulness.

In front is an unknown, untried, untested future ~ trusted to a known God.

My line in the sand came in my 30’s when I was working as a nurse.

I was struck down, laid low with M.E, and other chronic illness followed hot on its heels.

Time shuddered to a halt. A life divided into ‘now’ and ‘then’. I soon forgot what it felt like to feel well. 

God used the time to good effect. As I began to mourn the loss of health and career, He made me lie down by His still waters to examine my soul.

Provided good Christian counselling to encourage me to unearth my painful past and bring me into a place of greater release and freedom.

After nearly 10 years of weekly counselling sessions, I was finally emotionally healed from most of the events that had shaped me as a growing child/adult and poisoned my mind and heart.

Though some lingering after-effects continue to impact my life.

They too require the Healer’s ongoing tender touch.

Now, I remain a sojourner. A heart still set on pilgrimage.

“Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage” ~ Psalm 84:5

My soul is still seeking safety, sanctuary and strength on a daily basis as it leans heavy on the Lord.

For we never stay the same, even if our circumstances do.

We are all growing, evolving, maturing and learning day by day.

And God never stops teaching us about Himself:the wonders of His love, the marvel of His grace, the sweetness of His Presence.

I may have just passed another milestone on the way to heaven, but I will never get beyond my desperate need of God.

We are built to yearn for Him, to desire to know Him, to set our hearts on following after His will and ways.

Because that’s the only certainty we have in this uncertain world ~ our God is totally loving, totally trustworthy and totally faithful to His children.

God’s best won’t necessarily look good to us while we are experiencing it, and often not until we understand what He is doing and allowing, but it will heal and deliver us in His own perfect timing and way.

‘On pilgrimage’

Marching on is the nature of souls

in search of becoming healed and whole

Our pilgrimage can span many long years

as we learn to walk bold and conquer fears

Stumbling through valleys deep with sand

we reach out for God’s proffered hand

When weak, worn out and weary we fall

we’re lifted up by the One who sees all

Blinded by tears we lose our way

God ensures we don’t go astray

Discouragement comes and hearts can fail

until we remember the Blood and nails

Our Saviour Lord trod this earthly soil

experienced its pain, suffering and toil

And when we follow hard after Him

He grants us strength when life looks grim

©JoyLenton2014

on pilgrimage poem pin file image PJ

Linking here with Beth,  Holley, and other like-minded friends as we seek to encourage one another in our walk of life and faith

The heat is on

/ Joy Lenton / 7 Comments

The heat is on.

Time to seek some shade.

Find ways to stay cool, calm and collected.

I love the long, sunny days but I’m fazed and frazzled by heat-waves. Maybe you too?

It’s too hot to think straight, write eloquently (or much at all, truth be told) or be active in any way.

I’ve been taking a social media and blogging break which I desperately needed.

My health has been challenging for some time, with increased weakness, pain and fatigue, so rest and recuperation remain my top priority.

And as I recover some strength, pacing my ‘activities’ carefully, I want to just touch base with you as a way of making a gradual return to my usual routines.

I’m largely housebound with M.E and chronic illness, and going on holiday is a distant dream, but there’s no harm in taking myself there by the power of imagination.

Which is what I have done with the poetic summer snippets below that were written some time ago.

I share them now as a way to say “Hi. I’m still here”, even though I may be struggling with feeling further flattened by the heat and humidity we have now in the UK!

You are not forgotten and I miss our conversations here.

Hope the weather is suiting you, wherever you are, and you can make the most of warm, sunny days.

With blessings and love until we meet again. Xx 🙂

Come away with me beach poem pin image

‘Sunbathing’

Solid clumps of

people

sticking to

hot blades of

grass

The park abounds in

bodies

Frozen marrows of

idle

flesh which

blinks at frequent

intervals

They stir softly in

slumber

Deadened senses of

minds

groping after

clarity

focusing on nothing

Self-instincts admit

to ~ inactivity

©JoyLenton2014

bodies ~ sunbathing in the park poem pin image

I will rise

/ Joy Lenton / 14 Comments

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

‘I will rise’

Some days..

part of me longs to break free

become unshackled from the earth

shake off dust, soil and toil

relinquish all but new birth

Maybe..

I will gather galaxies, bathe

in a sparkling sea of stars

or journey to other planets

visit Venus, Jupiter or Mars

stride unhindered over mountain peaks

sneak a view in a volcano or two

dive into indigo oceans deep

and climb pathways high and steep

One day..

these limbs will move and lift with ease

and pain will be a mystery

I will rise sky-high, out of sight,

as a balloon flies swift and

bright, then disappears from view

I may..

begin floating near eternal Light

my eyes watching years unravelling

like string, to pull me back

or draw me in, while I’m

travelling closer to You

©JoyLenton2014

“We know that when these bodies of ours are taken down like tents.. they will be replaced by resurrection bodies in heaven.. Sometimes we can hardly wait to move ~ and so we cry out in frustration… The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:1-2, 4-5 (The Message)

Linking here with  Beth,  Holley and Jennifer. You are very welcome to join in.

balloon ~ i will rise file image pin

You need hands

/ Joy Lenton / 6 Comments

hands ~ FMF PJ file image 1

Hands can reveal so much about a person.

Their age, gender,  ethnicity, relationship status, occupation, even potential or actual health problems.

Mine shout out that I’m a woman of mature years with joint distortion caused by arthritis (amongst other things).

I would love to have plump, smooth, pretty, ultra feminine hands… sigh. 😦

But, much as  the circumstances of my life affect my body in general, they are also apparent on my hands.

When I was a child I caught my thumb in a mangle and the nail has been bent ever since.

When I worked as a nurse, I washed and washed these hands multiple times over the years, used antiseptic gel, alcohol wipes, and wore rubber gloves.

All of which contributed to the dryness and aging-before-their-time appearance.

It means I conceal rather than reveal. Hide them in my lap. Feel like they belong to someone else, someone older.

They are partly alien to me. I gaze at them with bewilderment some days. How did they get like this? I may be a grandma now but I dislike looking like one!

Yet they could also suggest a practical person who has used her hands, cared for others,  been busy, worked hard, not been afraid to do dirty tasks or chip a nail. 

These days, I can do very little in the practical daily living tasks, beyond basic self care. I need help to keep house and home together.

I am so grateful to be able to scrawl, write, type (albeit badly and slowly) and put these weary, worn, stiff and painful hands to some use again.

And as I reflect upon my changing hands and changed life, I remember hands scarred and rendered helpless, yet ones that transformed my life and eternal destiny, just as they can do for you.

‘Hands’

Hands conceal, reveal, plunder and steal,

reach out and take, gesticulate,

touch tender, become shield and defender,

hug, hold close, achieve the most

They can make, break, defile, wound and stain,

cause harm, alarm, revulsion and pain

Hands pierced fierce to a cross of wood

are the ones that treat us as they should

Arms of Love nailed to a tree

securing mercy, forgiveness and victory

Hands that gentle, soothe and hold

us closer than any brazen and bold

These hands scarred forever by the cross

will never cause us hurt or loss

They reach out across time and eternity

offering help, hope, healing to you and me

comfort, consolation, joy from despair,

goodness and grace seeping everywhere

They are the loving hands of God

welcoming us to the path He trod

Come, take His hand

Come, walk His path

Come, be held safe

through your time on earth

©JoyLenton2014

Linking here with Lisa-Jo for #fiveminutefriday This week’s prompt is:’hands’  You are very welcome and warmly invited to join in. Also joining with Mel and Laura 

hands ~ FMF file image 2 pin

Mosaic of a marriage

/ Joy Lenton / 6 Comments

mosaic image for PJ mosaic of a marriage

 

Nobody can fully appreciate or understand the dynamics, anatomy and intricacies of a marriage, apart from the couple intimately involved in it.

And even then, much remains a holy mystery.

We are husband and wife, friends and lovers joined together in union and communion with God and one another.

Two become one in mind, body, soul and spirit in a divine alchemy of grace.

My marriage is heavily grace-dependent.

My background, experiences and personal problems have gradually made me someone other than the relatively carefree young woman I used to be.

As I’ve tried to work through a legacy of dysfunctional family life, childhood abuse, guilt and shame, (and the mental health breakdown they gave me) the one linked inextricably with me has also lived through it all.

Now, after more than 20 years of having M.E and chronic illness, my ability to be the wife he needs and wants is hampered further still.

Though we have struggled a great deal (and continue to do so), some things shine out bright and clear as I look back over the years:

Love will always find a way where there seems to be no way.

Faith can endure all things if it’s faith rooted in God and His sustaining power.

Hope may wither but it rarely dies.

Joy comes in unexpected places and circumstances.

Grace is a prerequisite for a godly life and marriage.

God gives us all we’ll ever need ~ even if we rarely have all we want.

In musing on these things over the last few days it is no great surprise that my mind turned to this territory to write about today.

And as I do so, I rejoice over the masterpiece God is creating out of the messy mosaic of my life and marriage.

‘Mosaic of a marriage’

Nothing in our courtship could have prepared

our youthful, hopeful, joy-filled hearts

for the prolonged grief and pain we’ve shared

or the need for so many fresh starts

Nothing in my mind could have foreseen

how very hard and challenging

living with me would have been

more your worst nightmare than dream

For we have been tried and tested

as gold goes through the fire

refined, processed and sifted

retaining heat, passion and desire

Nothing I can say will make up

for numerous ways I’ve let you down

You’ve had a bitter pill to swallow

gaining a face wreathed with frowns

But we, who are nothing without

the sustaining power of God

have finally made Something

of this life and path we’ve trod

Given grace from the One

who pours out His love every day

Given faith to persevere

when nothing’s gone our way

So I love you imperfectly

just as I am

and you’ve accepted my offering

a meagre nothing to the feelings

found within my man

Thank God for new beginnings

Praise Him for being true

Give Him the glory for making

faithful, if faltering, lovers

out of me and you

©JoyLenton2014

Joining with Lisa-Jo for #fiveminutefriday (yes, I ran over time!) ~ this week’s prompt is:‘Nothing’. You are very welcome and warmly invited to join in. Linking also with Mel and Laura

You can read more about how the issues above have affected my marriage in this post from Words of Joy.

I share openly in the hope of encouraging others to know they can live with and rise above their circumstances by the grace of God.

mosaic of a marriage file image on PJ pin

Surrender to Sabbath

/ Joy Lenton / 9 Comments

Joy ~ at Ditchingham

‘Sabbath’

How do you further rest

a body constrained, confined?

How can I still continual thoughts

racing through a brain-fogged mind?

My life lived slow as slow can be

due to chronic illness and M.E

It’s work sometimes to rise from bed

converse, listen to words being said

Yet I know space must be found

a clearing, sacred holy ground

Time as sacrificial offering

willingly yielded up to Him

A stilling of body, mind and soul

where brokenness can be made whole

Bringing the shards of a fractured life

laying down anxiety, worry and strife

So here I am, Lord, on this day

to freely give myself away

knowing You see my open heart

and lovingly care for every part

Desiring to enter a Sabbath rest

and live my life as You see best

I’m eager to listen and to hear

Lord, won’t You please draw near?

©JoyLenton2014

Grateful for words flowing today after a break where health has been more challenging than usual.

Linking with Jennifer Dukes Lee at The High Calling to share Sabbath stories. You are warmly invited to join in.

sabbath pixlar image pin

Our friend

/ Joy Lenton / 6 Comments

friendship post file image

Genuine friendship is a gift to treasure.

To proffer the hand of friendship to another is to offer yourself in support of their wellbeing, and open yourself to reciprocal attention, care and concern.

Feeling heard and understood is rare in a world that is often too busy to listen or too indifferent to care.

Multiple connection points are provided, but true friendship is a gift of grace.

When it’s all about what you do, who you are, what you look like and who you know, it provokes competitiveness, discouragement and despair at not fitting in with the world’s perceptions of who they think we should be.

As we get assessed, found wanting and bypassed, we can easily feel isolated, rejected and neglected.

So where does our security lie? Is it in the numbers of followers, fans, ‘likes’ and comments we receive?

No, far from it. It’s a shaky foundation indeed to build our self-esteem on other people’s fluctuating, fickle feelings.

Though it’s not all bad news on social media; it does have its positive side regarding friendships.

I’ve been greatly blessed by the wonderful on-line community of writers, poets and bloggers, M.E and chronic illness sufferers, and fellow Christians I have got to know and consider to be real friends.

They are genuine, giving and caring people who lift, encourage and help me come up higher. I thank God daily for them.

And I’ve been bruised by putting too much store on how people in general interact with me.

There is only one friend who will never let us down, always be there for us, consistently reliable, capable, loving unconditionally despite knowing all there is to know about us.

His Name is Jesus.

Our greatest Friend, Lord and Saviour.

And as my real life friendships often fall foul of the challenges presented by my having M.E ~ finding it hard to never know when I’ll be well enough to speak on the phone, be visited, or meet up ~ it is His friendship that means the most to me.

I’m joining here with Lisa Jo and other brave writerly souls  for the challenge of Five Minute Friday, where we write freely, letting words fall as they will with no deep reflecting, on this week’s topic of  ‘Friend’. You are very welcome and warmly invited to take part.

START…

‘Our Friend’

This friend

has arms stretched wide

forming an extended circle

of Love for you and me

This friend

calls us to His side

forming a fellowship of grace

as brothers, sisters, community

This friend

provides a safe place to hide

when life’s storms overwhelm

He is shelter from all harm

and balm for every calamity

This friend

will brook no boast or pride

in knowing Him, for all

are welcome to enter in

embraced, held, received

This friend

is Rock against the tide

of sin and shame

taking all upon Himself

when He died and rose again

to set us free

©JoyLenton2014

STOP.

friend ~ our friend poem file image pin