poetry

A bittersweet life

/ Joy Lenton / 8 Comments

Life can feel as topsy-turvy as a rollercoaster ride.

One moment we are cresting the waves, reaching for the sky ~ the next we sink deep and plummet to earth with a bang.

Our emotions as changeable as the weather and just as unpredictable.

It doesn’t take much. Just check your phone, tablet or i-pad. See how many notifications, likes, comments, follows and positive responses there are ~ or not as the case may be.

Where’s the stability in a life lived by the varying opinions of others?

We are hardwired for love, security and approval. God put it into our DNA.

He expects us to receive the full approval we need from Him alone. Yet we go chasing empty cisterns when His well never runs dry.

How we hunger for validation. Look for any means to satisfy our appetites. Though, if we look in the wrong places,  it soon leaves us emptier than before.

‘Bittersweet’

Approval, compliments and favour

flow sweet as liquid honey

and we savour their soothing flavour

find ourselves craving so much more

to satisfy a desire inside where we

hide small ~ afraid we’re not enough

Disapproval, criticism and derision

sting brutal, sharp as lemon sour

and we shrink further back

into our shells, craven cowards

who lack a shred of self-worth

in our shrivelled disposition

So we swing ~ from pain to bliss

depending on our mood

and how much, or how little,

we feel loved, cherished and approved

Walls cracked as toffee brittle,

defences crumbling, gaping, split

©JoyLenton2014

“We can be sealed for eternity, Christ-bought and heaven-bound but still live like cowards, locked down by the chains of what people might think of us” ~ Jennifer Dukes Lee ‘Love Idol’

The approval monster is an insatiable beast. Offer him tidbits and he will lick his lips appreciatively for a while, but it won’t be long before he’s demanding a full-blown meal or a veritable feast to satisfy his appetite.

As an insecure child at heart, I have been greatly tempted to seek my worth and value in other people and other things.

Our best and most lasting way to find satisfaction is to see ourselves as we are in Christ. Look in the mirror of God’s word instead of sighing over the reflection in the glass.

When the world says:You’re a failure by our standards; you’re ‘less than’ until we say you’re ‘enough’; you’re rejected, unless you come up higher; you’re unworthy, just because we say so ~ how should we respond?

How would it look to live, love, work and write for an audience of One?

How would we feel if we could truly believe and receive how God perceives us?

I’m not sure as yet. I’m feeling stuck, stalled by situations and problems looming large. Sidelined by sickness. Derailed by doubt.

Yet despite these setbacks, I am choosing to study God’s word, relinquish and demolish my ‘love idols’, apply the biblical precepts, draw help from Jennifer’s book , see how to grow into a deeper awareness of how much God loves and pre-approves of me, and discover who I already am in Christ.

And that’s the best way to start ~ with a hungry, open heart toward Him. God is a rewarder of all who earnestly and diligently seek Him.

I’d love you to join me as I chart my stumbling journey into wholeness. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

There’s a growing community here  seeking to live pre-approved. Would you join us? I hope so. We don’t have to live stalled lives, stuck in the people-approval trap. 

We can learn to release all that’s holding us back from living fully, freely and joyfully committed to God’s ways.

“He’ll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon” ~ Psalm 37:6 ‘The Message’

Joining with friends Ruth , Jennifer and Lyli

In transition

/ Joy Lenton / 15 Comments

We’re in a season of change.

Air stirs with sound familiar yet different. It’s like our ears remember the refrain but it doesn’t quite sound the same.

We’ve been laying fallow. Now we sense it is time to move forward.

Stretch limbs to sun, welcome warmth on upturned face, breathe easy.

New life springs forth from dead and dying. Darkness gives way to Light.

We see it in plant life. Sap surges and vitality rises from decay.

It is mirrored in our souls.

Each day is opportunity to start again.

Embrace change; embrace life, hope, healing, growth to come.

Yet.. while we waken, stir inwardly; while we make space for new, there is a growing pain.

Skin  cracks under the weight of it. Joints protest. Habits die hard and dig deeper.

Hope can fail us and discouragement sit heavy when we focus more on where we are now rather than where we can be.

We’re in transition from moth to butterfly and our souls ache to fly free.

In time, we will.

Hang in there, friend. There’s a hand waiting, reaching for yours, holding you safe as you wobble.

God has got you. And He’ll see you through every painful process of becoming all He intends you to be.

‘Transition’

You feel as if

you stand on the edge

of the abyss

tottering forward

on the precipice

I see you

as seed fallen

to the ground

ready to yield

its abounding harvest

Those things

which root you

to the earth

those pains

are pangs of new birth

You’re in a state

of transition

where you wait in position

as I ready to bring forth

hope of seeing Spring

I am training

you in love

before the raining

of my gifting

pours from heaven above

©JoyLenton2014

While we wait God is working on our behalf. We are being prepared for a destiny with an eternal perspective.

Keep trusting and believing. You are precious to Him . And though it may not look or feel like it yet ~ His timing is perfect.

*Bird photo credit:Image used courtesy of Kathy Snow

 

Joining here with Holley and other encouraging friends as we seek to offer #coffeeforyourheart

Also with Jennifer for #tellhisstory and with Lyli for #thoughtprovokingthursday

Making space for not knowing

/ Joy Lenton / 19 Comments

Spiritual insight can hover light as butterfly in the air, fluttering gentle in the breeze, alighting soft on our senses.

Or nudge like a querulous child, becoming ever insistent.

Maybe it sparks bright, a lightning flash of inspiration.

However it strikes us ~ holy whisper or holy fire ~ we do well to pay attention.

Any reading of Scripture yields wisdom and insight as much as it throws curve balls.

We put on Holy Spirit lenses to help us focus on the meaning, application and practical outworking.

“What do we do with all the hard/weird stuff in the Bible?”  is the question being pondered over at Diana’s place this week. Do we ignore, refuse to ‘go there’, puzzle, pause, pray, or something else?

Some of how we answer it depends on our faith roots. I began my faith journey in a happy-clappy Pentecostal church, drifted into Baptist, kept a foot in Anglican, and spent many years in Independent Evangelical.

Over time, my ‘bible-thumping-in-your-face-are-you-saved?‘ days gave way to deeper reflection and grace. Made space for the ‘not knowing’ aspects of faith.

Now I am leaning toward the Contemplative and finding church is everywhere (TV and internet)  and nowhere in particular for me when housebound by M.E.

And in the letting go of fixed ideas, hungering after authenticity wherever I can find it, I find myself in a position of simply wanting to let go of too much concern about all I don’t understand.

The Bible is God’s great narrative, His story to draw us into relationship with Him ~ the whole purpose of it all.

The essence of Christian faith is faith in a Person ~ Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And people are complicated. So why shouldn’t God be even more so in the way He operates?

We can only move forward in faith, trudge wary of the weird stuff, trusting Him to reveal all He desires us to know in His own timing.

‘Trudge wary’

I tread timid, blind, in need of a Guide

I trudge wary, uncertain ~ with You by my side

And if You should choose to keep things concealed

it makes me appreciate all that’s revealed

There are treasures hidden in darkness deep

to be mined by those with eyes to seek

Challenge and certainty, joy and adversity

all wrapped up in Your word ~ to loose, set free

There are areas that puzzle, confuse and stretch our minds

and others of the straightforward, simple kind

For I still can barely comprehend

Your mercy and grace, love without end

So why should I, with great temerity,

expect You to reveal all things to me?

Should I not make room, give space

for the protective nature of Your grace

Allow for Your Spirit to open my eyes

in a gradual way ~ day after day

Knowing I can only handle so much

surprise, information, knowledge, as such?

©JoyLenton2014

God is always speaking. He is never silent. Sometimes we cannot hear Him above the chaos of the world or the noise of our own thoughts. Time taken to listen attentively is never time wasted. Much can be gained in the Quiet Place.

In essence:Although I’ll continue to wonder, ponder, question and seek answers, I also choose to rest easy in God’s great sovereignty. He alone knows how to encourage open-hearted investigation while making sure we receive all that is necessary for us to trust and believe and live well for Him.

 Joining here with friends:Diana, Mel and Lyli

Through a glass darkly

/ Joy Lenton / 11 Comments

We see through a glass darkly.

A fairground hall of mirrors with shadows on the wall, distorted views.

Feet sinking into clay for those rooted to earth.

Easy to get stuck in the pit and lose The Way midst its miry depths. Feel the pinch as Master Potter re-shapes our clay form.

We cling to edges. Cry out in fear. Paste on clown smiles while bleeding on the inside.

For what is loss? What is gain? What or whom can be trusted with all the grief and pain?

Who has the upper hand when we’re all just kicking dust and sand?

Calamity calls and we cringe away, bewildered, running scared. Reluctant to face or embrace.

Until..

We remember One who ate dust as we do, choked on tears, felt pain within, without, gave and gave some more to secure our freedom and release from all that stings painful. 

He didn’t deserve to die. We don’t deserve His sacrifice. Bad things happen to good people. Sadly, this is a sinful, fallen world.

We live in an upside-down, here-but-not-here-yet Kingdom where we begin to accept the cloud of unknowing is part of belonging. 

And we look to the cross. Consider Calvary. Weep for the loss and rejoice in the resurrection. Marvel that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. 

All He asks is for us to lean on Him. Rest on His word. Seek strength and help in time of need. Find comfort and share it with others.

Meanwhile, we live with smoke and mirrors, with mystery and mayhem, with pain and with promise, with unanswered questions and faith.

One day all will be made clear. We will know even as we are known. For now? We trust and obey. Believe all sorrow, sadness, suffering and pain will come to an end and glory will come out of it all.

Prayer draws us nearer to God’s heart and there we find all the comfort and reassurance we need to keep us afloat. We begin to see an open door of hope through the painful places.

Though we may still emerge with unanswered questions, in the listening and leaning we learn to release the pressing need to know and rest in trusting all that we do understand.

God’s words to me a few months ago still hold good for today. I hope and pray they will bless you too.

Prayer Whisper:’Surrender’

“Remember that I am only a breath, a prayer away. I live within you by My Spirit. You have access to all My gifts because the greatest gift of all is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Deep in your spirit rests the Spirit of the Living Christ. All of His qualities and abilities are available to you by faith. Though He works through your human body, there are still no limits to what can be accomplished according to My will.

As you surrender more and more of yourself to Me, as you allow Me to take, make and break you, as you let Me work in and through you ~ then the possibilities are limitless, for I have no boundaries. Take your eyes off yourself and your circumstances and focus on Me. Do not allow yourself to become swamped and overwhelmed by the challenges before you. I am keeping you safe through every storm.

Rest in My provision for you. Despite how it seems, nothing shall in any way harm you. The quiet centre of your being where I reside is invulnerable. Seek Me. Seek the Quiet Place and you will become renewed, refreshed and restored for the journey ahead.”

“In returning and rest you shall be saved,” says God through the prophet Isaiah, “in quietness and confidence shall be your strength” (Isaiah 30:15). They are all parts of each other. We return to our deep strength and to the confidence that lies beneath all our misgiving. The quiet there, the rest, is beyond the reach of the world to disturb. It is how being saved sounds.” ~ Frederick Buechner ‘Whistling in the Dark’

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body” ~ 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

Joining here with friends :Diana, Mel and Laura

Choices

/ Joy Lenton / 17 Comments

Words flutter as birds in my head and I release them here.

Sometimes they fly free.

Other days they sit heavy on my shoulders.

Ears are tickled and nibbled.

Detritus is dropped and settling in occurs.

Until a gust of Holy Spirit wind encourages them gently forward.

And they take flight with wobbly wings of faith.

Such is today’s offering for Five Minute Friday where we write freely for 5 minutes on a given topic ~ no deep reflecting or editing, just poured out prose or poetry from the heart.

This week’s prompt is:’Choose’

START…

‘Choices’

Life isn’t as random as it may seem

when we sow our hopes, follow after our dreams

We have some say in who we become,

what we hear, see, read, take into our arms

I can choose to seek after my own way

or follow God’s path each and every day

I choose to seek love, mercy, God’s face,

as I relinquish rejection, shame and disgrace

I choose to pour my heart into this life

despite heavy challenges, struggles and strife

I choose to press hard into God’s best

and find peace as I relax into His rest

I choose to share my journey of healing

even though it’s painful, hard and revealing

I choose to stand up for what I know is right

and wade into those things worth the fight

I choose to give and give some more

in inspired poetic and prose outpour

To share my heart, my words, my dreams,

watch how God breathes His beauty and light

into all that seems out of reach, out of sight

©JoyLenton2014

 STOP.

“I am now giving you the choice between life and death, between God’s blessing and God’s curse, and I call heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Choose life.” ~ Deuteronomy 30:19

Joining here with Lisa-Jo Baker 

And with Jennifer as I too seek to give up (amongst other things) in this season of Lent: “the inner critic who bruises, the mirror that accuses, and the mental play-back that oozes with bad history” as part of releasing a heart indulgence ~ a ‘Love Idol’ creeping in and taking me away from loving God and loving others fully and freely.

Putting the pieces together

/ Joy Lenton / 19 Comments

I see it all around. The very air we breathe is thick with the sound of it.

Sorrow hangs heavy. Need drives us to our knees.

People are crying out for grace ~ but they don’t even know it.

Souls weep silent into pillows when losses outweigh any gains and hopes wither and die.

What or who can save us from ourselves and the pain we have to press past on a daily basis?

When life breaks us apart, where do we go to be put back together again?

In my life, the answer may come quick and easy. But the living out? That’s a lifetime’s work.

Renewal and restoration cannot be rushed. Full and complete healing cannot be hurried.

Jesus saves. We know it. We read it. We believe it. We sing about it. And yet..

This world has a way of swallowing us whole and spitting us out. Broken people living fractured lives.

So what does grace look like?

It wears the face of Christ. It’s the very heart of God. Nothing weak or namby pamby about it.

This is grace:It’s solid, muscular, with bite crisp-clean into a bountiful harvest of real gritty righteousness. It floods and fills all the empty spaces of our existence with strength, power and might. 

Living as we do in the tension between the ‘now but not yet’ of the Kingdom, we are people in transition, works in progress by God’s grace.

Much is changing and moving forward, and much still requires transformation to come.

‘Variant themes’

I’m broken, fractured, full of holes,

splintered, wrecked right into my soul

Pieces from the past pierce and press sharp

tearing fierce into the tenderest of parts

Deep calls to deep in the thundering roar

of Your waterfall’s steady, refreshing pour

Wounds fester and hurts remain sealed

in a life crying out to be rescued and healed

Echoing chasms where Your voice is heard

and we drink thirsty of its life-giving Word

How do the variant themes unite as one

perfect melody, harmony and song?

Strung as pearls, lustre-reflecting beads

shine bright and pure in you and me

Discordant sounds may shatter the air around,

joy remains ~ as seed rooted to the ground

Stop. Slow down. Breathe. Listen closer. Pause a while.

Walk gentler. Carry lighter. Don’t forget to smile.

©JoyLenton2014

As to the question, “How do I make all the pieces fit?”, I think the answer is, we can’t do it ourselves. God never intended us to bear that burden. It’s too weighty for our frame.

And that’s a freeing statement. It opens the door to Holy Spirit intervention.

The shards of our shattered hopes and dreams become a marvellous mosaic in God’s hands.

When we take those broken pieces of our lives, frayed fabric of our days, torn edges of our thoughts, tangled threads of our theology, gaps and holes in our flawed and imperfect understanding ~ all become sacrificial surrender, holy offering, and a handing over to the Master Potter and Architect of our souls.

He alone can fully mend, heal, renew and restore to better than it was before. We seek, ask, do our part, trust, rest, and leave the outcome up to Him. 

It isn’t easy. Everything inside cries out to know and understand beforehand. Relinquishing control is a challenge.

Resting is a conscious choice, and the best way of allowing God’s peace to replace anxiety and stress.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Joining here with friends: Diana, Mel and Lyli. 

Against the tide

/ Joy Lenton / 10 Comments

In the flotsam and jetsam of life we soon discover our shared humanity.

It is said that time and tide wait for no man. We cannot claw it back or alter its progress.

Similarly, suffering is universal. Pain, loss, grief, hardship, sickness, calamities beset us all.

Though there is no way of assessing its intensity. It is personal and painful, no matter what.

What is minor for one is major to another. Comparisons are useless. We can only accept suffering of varying degree exists and is hurtful to all who experience it. 

Where do we turn to in our suffering? Or, more correctly, whom?

There is One who Scripture depicts as ‘a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief/familiar with suffering’. He took our shared humanity, knows and understands intimately what we go through.

Jesus bore every sin, sickness, dis-ease of every kind on the cross for us.

He willingly embraced it all for the joy set before Him ~ of restoring us back to the Father’s side.

‘Against the tide’

Calamity cracks us open to the core

revealing our frail humanity

exposing vulnerability ~ tender, flawed

Beneath this skin, the carapace I’m in,

lies a raw, wounded human being

If each person is an island , then

we’re all floating in a communal sea

desperately trying not to drown

It takes courage to swim against the tide

when there’s no sheltering place to hide

Until a safe harbour hoves into view

tugging gentle on our heartstrings

willing us to steer strong and true

Vessels rest weary, depleted, worn,

storm-battered, tattered, torn

Ready to refuel and be restored again,

seeking respite for a little longer

we prepare to face fierce winds and rain

Now with our Captain at the helm

these surging tides no longer overwhelm

©JoyLenton2014

Sinking into the arms of God is what helps us stay afloat in the changing tides of life. He holds us up when we’re too weak, weary and overwhelmed to do more than flounder in the waves.

Being found in Him, we can learn to let go of fear. Find peace and rest. Be soothed and settled. Find reassurance and ease.

Love rescues us. Love surrounds and keeps us steady, on an even keel. Love embraces our brokenness and begins to piece us together again ~ bit by bit. It is the anchor for our souls.

And we see we are far from alone. Others are in the trenches too. Many voices clamouring for relief from misery. Brothers and sisters in suffering.

Those who are strong can help to carry the weak. Sit in the ashes. Hold hands and hearts. Listen and lean hard on solid Rock until the tides turn in our favour once more.

Because the best place to take sorrow, grief, pain and suffering is to the One who can support us through it and works to set us free.

Joining here with Diana and other questing souls as we are #livingthequestions and #livingintotheanswers

You are very welcome to join in the discussion.

Love is speaking

/ Joy Lenton / 12 Comments

Love speaks to us in myriad ways. Way beyond Valentine cards, roses and chocolates ~ welcome as they are.

There is heartache and elation, pain and promise, sadness and joy wrapped up in human love, circumscribed as it is by our woundedness.

We can be broken and made new by love.  God’s love heals, renews, restores and makes us whole.

The Word made flesh  revealed in Jesus offers us the gift of mercy, grace and forgiveness from His poured out blood-bought sacrifice.

We are eternally, unconditionally and wonderfully loved beyond anything we can know or imagine.

All creation continually signals the love of the Creator.

It is never silent because God is constantly pouring out His love to us.

He longs for us to know Him and discover we are deeply loved by Him. It’s the greatest love story ever told.

‘Love speaks’

Love speaks

As

an aching formless void, seeming nothingness

into which pours poetry, music, melody and noise

In

the echoes of a dream, vibrancy we glean

in everything we encounter, visible and unseen

So

we tune our hearts to hear soft whispers

on the wind tickling our attentive ears

With

longing breaking forth in our souls,

a sense of awe, wonder, becoming and belonging

 Begin

to make us feel complete, fulfilled, whole,

so we strain to draw close, come near

 To

the Source of all we could or would be

growing familiar as He starts to appear

 And

lingers to impart His light and grace from above

into thankful hearts made ready for His love

©JoyLenton2014

The video below is a love letter from the Father’s heart to our own.

It speaks volumes about how each and every one of us is deeply loved and special to God.

May it bless and encourage your heart as you watch it.

Linking here with Jennifer,  Lyli, Mel and Laura

By quiet waters

/ Joy Lenton / 8 Comments

 ‘By quiet waters’

Father,

Lead me by quiet waters

help me to be still

to follow in Your ways

instead of my own will.

Let me abide peaceful

resting by the stream

where Your grace flows freely

as on Your strength I lean.

May I heed Your word

and the truth which it imparts

bringing wisdom to my mind

and peace within my heart.

©JoyLenton2013

“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake” ~ Psalm 23:1-3

Seeking sanctuary

/ Joy Lenton / 19 Comments

We all need a safe place to vent. Let off steam. Be ourselves, warts and all.

Be real and authentic in sharing life and faith issues.

Consider the question, “Is there room for my tears here?” being asked by Diana Trautwein this week.

We read in the shortest verse in Scripture, “Jesus wept”  ~ John 11:35.  Succinct words speaking volumes. He was unafraid to be authentically open and human. Giving us a pattern for being fully human and fully alive unto God.

Our tears are a soul’s lament. Reminder of our weakness, frailty and humanity.

If we try to keep them hidden they still find  a way to rise, unbidden, to the surface.

Revealing deep emotion at the core ~ joy, pain, vulnerability, sadness and grief. The very heart of who we are.

Though we find ways to choke them down and bid them drown in their inner stream.

In the unraveling of life, thought and years, we soon discover our safety and security is found primarily in God alone.

As a body of believers in Christ we are joined by links of love and shared endeavour in the fight of faith.

We’re all invited to enter in, embrace God’s gift of grace seen in Jesus’ suffering, pain and loss for our sakes.

We’re welcomed to a place of love and acceptance. A hospital for the hurting ~ only some churches hide that pretty well.

I’m too weary and worn out to try to pretend I’ve ‘got it all together,’ and too desiring of being a voice for those who are hurting to stay silent in my small-corner obscurity.

Because in the end it comes down to how much we love and are loved.  How much we are willing to give to one another.

Make room in our own woundedness to walk the road with others who are weak and in pain. Be a sanctuary for the seeking, the saved and those sick in body, mind or heart. 

Weep with those who weep. Rejoice with all who rejoice. Lift and uphold each other in prayer. Come alongside and be Christ’s ambassadors in caring for all in need.

The poem below expresses my hopes about being part of the body of Christ, what I am currently experiencing as a member of some lovely supportive writing and friendship groups and the reflective, sharing ‘Living the Questions’ group over at Diana’s place.

Although this is the type of welcome we could (and probably should?) be extending to all our brothers and sisters in Christ.

‘Invitation’

Your tears ~ whether of joy or sorrow ~ will find a welcome here

Your questions and fears for tomorrow we too will share

Your faith journey and experiences in all their rich variety

serve to enrich and inform us of all we still can be

Your need for speaking out in a friendly space

can be met here in this ~ a safe and open place

Your desire to listen, reflect and ponder deeply

is found in this forum and sacred sanctuary

©JoyLenton2014

Sadly, many feel disappointed, discouraged, sidelined, ignored, bruised, hurt and wounded by church. Perhaps we forget we are all imperfect ‘works in progress’. This prayer may help. It was written in support of all wounded warriors.

There should always be room for tears ~ and laughter, joy, hand-holding, lifting up, coming alongside, praying, caring and sharing as we aim to be ‘Jesus with skin on’ for one another.

Joining here with Diana, Mel, Laura and Lyli