Lost time

Do you ever wonder where time disappears to? Me too.

Each and every one of us has the same 24 hour allocation yet none of us will spend those hours in exactly the same way.

As an M.E and chronic illness sufferer, time may seem endless in terms of hoping for improvement and recovery.

Sleep can prove elusive and erratic.

Rest is far from restful if pain intrudes too much.

The life I dream of seems to slip through my fingers like grains of sand while I scramble to catch them.

Where did all those wasted minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and even years go?

I was laid low,  or slept through many of them.

Moans at midnight.  Sighs at dawn.  A body rising stiff to greet a day already half over for many.

Here I am:

A woman with training and experience that lies wasted.

A nurse needing care myself.

A poet penning in PJs.

A wife without the means to be a proper helpmate or companion.

I wrote the poem below at such a time of introspection. It spoke for how I felt then and may speak into your situation too.

‘Black Hole’

There’s a space

in my life

where time disappears

down a black hole

already littered

with discarded hopes

dreams and desires

enough to fill

several craters

stacked high

or light

a multitude

of funeral pyres

Where does it all go?

How do these things

slip away

from my grasp

writhing hither and thither

with eel-like slither

when all I want

to do

is clasp them

to my heart

and cry, “Stay!”

Maybe I’ve

risked too much

extended thought

and expended energy

on things not

really meant to be

some crazy schemes

foolish inanities

to become

a bonfire

of the vanities


And yet..

This is looking at things from a limited human perspective only.

Time is redeemable when our days and ways are surrendered to the One beyond its restrictions.

He uses everything in our lives for His purposes. Not a crumb is wasted.

How do you feel about time disappearing? 

10 thoughts on “Lost time

  1. Oh, Joy. The few months for me have been a black hole of confusion and wasted time. I’ve no idea what’s going on, what I should be doing, what direction I should be taking. I’m just running to get nowhere, it seems.
    Thank you for this ‘you’re not alone’ moment. For pointing me again toward the One who knows the beginning and the end, and reminding me that His economy is different from ours. That none of this will be wasted.

    • Dear Helen, I am really sorry you have been going through such a tough time lately. It can feel endless when we are in these seasons, can’t it? I am thankful God gave me this poem a few months ago and directed my attention to it again when pain and illness rendered me low once more. If only one other persom can say “You too?” and feel less alone, then it is worthwhile to experience this myself and to be able to share with others. If we could only view our lives from God’s perspective and have eternity in our minds, then we might be better equipped to deal with things here! Bless you, my friend. 🙂 xx

    • Although I would rather you didn’t relate to this and had better health and strength than you do, I really appreciate you stopping by and taking time to leave an encouraging comment. Thank you, Lucy. I pray that you will experience the fulfillment of that prayer too. Bless you 🙂 xx

  2. Hi Joy. This is beautiful. While I have neither SAD or chronic illness, I can relate to the feeling that I’ve lost time and am grateful for the hope of God’s redemption even in that. Thanks for this.

    • Hi Brianna, it’s lovely to see you here! The feeling of lost time is common to most, isn’t it? We long to do more than we’re often capable of. Yet, as you say, we can “be grateful for the hope of God’s redemption even in that”. Amen, my friend! Thank you for visiting and leaving a lovely comment. 🙂 x

  3. Powerful poem, Joy. And I am so sorry for the years of struggle and pain. Somedays are meant for the songs of lament. I’ll sit in the ashes with you, my friend. And then we’ll sing a new song when the light breaks through again.

    • Diana, I really appreciate your support and offer to “sit in the ashes” with me. It is a rare gift for someone to volunteer to do just that. And in the sitting and sharing together we draw strength from feeling less alone in our troubles. I am grateful for your company here a little while until we can rejoice again. Bless you, my friend!

  4. Hi Joy,

    Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I sometimes feel sadness when I feel I have missed out on some things and battle with what I do, but then through the pain, I choose to trust in God’s higher ways. They may seem confusing sometimes, but I’m thankful nothing is wasted in His eyes 🙂

    • Hi Anita, you are an inspiration to me in the way you “choose to trust in God’s higher ways” when life seems confusing and frustrating. That’s what I aim to do too. And then to rise up and encourage others in their journey of life and faith. Thank you for your understanding and support. Blessings 🙂 xx

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